Dear Lover

Dear Lover,

It’s August 2017 and I get distracted easily. I have a hard time with self discipline and being soft with myself. I’m still learning how to fully love myself so there isn’t much I can really offer you right now… besides the dedication of learning to love me—so we can then share love that is free, love that real and abundant. THE REAL THING. I know it’s possible. I know it’s going to take work. I’m willing to go through it because this is something I want to experience for *me*. I want to know and experience what a loving, healthy relationship between 2 whole people is like, with the knowledge that those 2 whole people also have love for others and that is perfectly normal and beautiful. And I want to experience what building a family between those is like. I want to know what it’s like to raise healthy children.

I’m realizing more and more that this requires a very direct amount of inwardness and focus. It requires surrender. I don’t know what the future brings but I know what I can do to make it beautiful, to live the life I want.

Lover, there’s love all around me but its been so hard for me to see it, breathe it in, appreciate it. I think it’s because I can’t appreciate the love outside if I can’t appreciate, acknowledge or even see the love inside of me. I’m feeling a call to go super inward. It seems other people is really not where its at for me right now. Music makes me happy. Writing makes me happy. Having a clean organized home makes me happy. Hugs make me happy too… Kisses make me happy too. But I think sometimes I go to them as a distraction from the void I feel inside & that’s not cool.

It’s time to step up to the plate of whats being demanded of me for my work, and for myself. I got thissssss. <3